Conversation One was about others, mostly being strangers, judging what they might *think* is a behavioral problem and a bad parent to go with, when in reality, the child is a special needs child who can't help the way he is acting, and neither can his mother. Why do we feel the need to stop, look up, all embarassed, and say..."...sorry, he's Autistic, and it's just best to let the fit subside on its own, rather than trying to stop it". Why do we care? We will likely never see any of these people again, yet we care about the image we portray. (At least that is the conclusion N and I came to.) Sadly, for that reason (judging the proverbial book by its cover), the activities she, her child, and the rest of her family are able to do are limited, because it's easier to just not go, not do whatever, not explain, not be embarassed, to just be at home, where they are "safe". It makes me sad. For them, for him, that people are this way, and that such a neat family is not invited, or chooses not to go because they feel out of place and it's just easier on everyone to stay at home. I can't imagine thinking that is fun, 365 days of the year. And you know what? The more he's around, the better he is. He's no trouble. He's a little cuddle bug, a very compassionate child. Sure, he has quirks, tantrums, causes you to check and see why he's so quiet, but when do you NOT do that with a typical 6 year old? I'm guilty of judging, too, I'm sure. I can't think of an example right now, but yeah, I've done it. I'm really glad I didn't this time....look at the friendship, the family full of love, the blessings that have come because I accepted him, therefore, them. And I'm pretty sure they feel "safe" here, like when they are at home. Which is awesome, because my home IS their home. Any time, any time. Soooo, this conversation was an eye opener for me...to help me remember not to judge, not to shun, not to assume, but to be a positive influence. Everyone deserves a chance, don't they?
Conversation Two was not only about caring what "others" thought...but along with the "others" is grouped family and friends. This was a one-sided conversation in which I told M that I had believed in him, and he had let me down, and made me look like a fool in front of our whole entire little town, to my parents, my family, my friends....his family (even worse)...my children...it is not good to be the object of the popular topic in a small town, especially one where he knows *everyone* everywhere we go, and he proved them all right when I was so sure I was proving them all wrong. Why do I care? I think mostly it's just the sting to my pride, but it is also hurtful. It's hard to smile, and say, why yes, we are, in fact, not together any longer, and not start crying. It's hard to know that when you walk by, the next topic out of their lips is about you. It's hard to walk around, knowing you failed at a task you were given, publicly, in an epic way. Failure is not a word I like, especially when it is attached to me. Again, I'm not sure why, but I care. A lot. But in the long run, it really doesn't matter or change things, now, does it? And if they are talking, or have to ask, then they are not important anyways...because if they *were* important, they would already know! (At least that is the pep talk I give myself often.) Again, this is a lesson for me. A lesson to be more compassionate and less of a judge. To be a helper, to help raise, not put down. To extend a hand, offer a hug, offer a smile, to be a positive part of their day. A teaching lesson for myself: have some self esteem and some confidence! Walk like you're somebody!!! That's what I tell my kids. Brush it off....don't let petty people hurt your feelings! They only talk about you because their lives are not interesting enough to talk about. And so on and so forth.
I guess, really, there is no point to this post at all, other than I was pondering the topic and wanted to throw my thoughts out there, and then later, I will re-read them. I do that. I read the stuff I write, and sometimes, I go wow....you said that? You're a smart one, you are! Then other times, I'm like...woah...what were you THINKING?!?!?! But that's the point-to document my thoughts. Uninhibited, because I can.
On to other news, one of my first purchases as I can afford things I need will be a ceiling fan for my bedroom. It is the hottest room in the house, but I think with a fan to help pull the air in, it would be just right. Imagine my delight when I saw this fan....you know what I'm going to do!!!! :)
I'll try not to be so "philisophical"...if I could ever be referred to like that...tomorrow, and share a fun post about the house with you instead. We shall see what strikes me as a good post topic tomorrow...who knows!?!?!
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