This is me...being real.

OK, so I'm real all the time, but since this post has multiple subjects, it was just easier to call it "being real".

Subject numero uno: May I just say that it amazes me how within MINUTES, LITERALLY MINUTES of changing my facebook status from "it's complicated" to "single" my fb inbox was flooded with messages from guys who just "happened" to say "hello" so very "innocently" as if I'm to stupid to put two and two together. Guys...make note of this: I DO have a brain. Not that it would take a huge amount of intelligence to put that together, but you must not realize that, or you would have been a bit more discreet. I will say this: there are about two of you, out of the dozen or so, that I understand really care, who I've spoken with on and off for forever, because we are friends anyways...and I'm not referring to you. You know who you are.

Subject numero dos: Boys and girls can be friends. Just friends. Certainly, it's possible!!! Yes, the paperwork says I'm still married. Unfortunately, because of the cost of changing that status, it's going to stay that way indefinitely. BUT...just because I want to go somewhere or do something doesn't mean I want to hop in the sack, be your girlfriend, or start drama. It is simply because I enjoy your company and thought we were *friends* and could do this. Apparently, I misjudged you. My bad. Most of my life, I have had friends that were boys, and they were better friends and confidants than the girls who were "friends" in my life. Until just recently, I've not had a lot of girlfriends, but more guy-friends...so it's odd to me that there are those of you who are...uncomfortable...???...with this. I'm chasing my tail, so I'll stop. Read what I mean, not what I say, OK?

Subject numero tres: The store. This is the real kicker of them all. And there is a lesson to be learned here, too. The lesson is this: SAY WHAT YOU MEAN. Don't expect that someone is going to infer what you mean when you are saying something totally different. We are humans, not mind-readers.

It's no secret that the store was a dream of mine that was able to come true, because I *thought* that my husband was behind me when we made the decision to give it a go. It seemed that God Himself literally plopped the store down in my lap, and said, "Here, Abs, take it and run with it! You can do it; you will go far!" I've always wanted to have a store...but I always wanted to run it with my sisters...which is hard to do when we are spread out in four different directions, at least 2 hours away from each other, again, in four different directions. Soooo, I had to strike out on my own, and enjoy it enough for all of us. Since both Mark and I loved to shop for neat things at yardsales, thrift store, antique stores, Goodwill...flea markets...you get the idea, we came up with a lot of one of a kind things that we didn't need, but just couldn't leave behind. My "engagement ring" was a building all of my own to store our finds in, and to house my crafting supplies and give me a place to create. Little did we know that we were preparing for the store with every weekend of yardsaling we did. When the store started to become a reality, we had plenty of "stock" and were still able to hold on to the things we loved and didn't want to part with. Mark's biggest collection was beer mugs, steins, and other liquer glasses, etc. Mine: pottery. There were a few other things here and there that we wanted to hold on to that we found and just couldn't part with, but for the most part, those things we found didn't hold any sentimental value, we just thought they were neat, so we got them, and into the store they went. Of course, as with any business, the beginning was slow, but slow and steady. And we all know about "slow and steady", right? It wins the race! :) There were times when Mark would say to me,"Now, Honey, you know that if the store doesn't pick up, we're going to have to do something different, right?" And I would reply with a nod of my head and a firm "Yes"....but then I would remind him that we weren't going to be rolling in customers and cash within our first year of business, let alone the first 6 months. That would be the end of the conversation until another time, when we would have the same one again. Verbatem. (SP? Too lazy right now to look it up. You know what I mean.) And so I would go to the store, and "work" and go home and report the day's buisness to the PiePie. He used to come after work before seeing his parents or after and sit in my patchwork chair that everyone loves, and say hi, give me a hello kiss, and then visit for a bit. That gradually happened less and less, and I guess, looking back, I should have taken note of that, but I didn't. You know what they say about hindsight. What I didn't know was that he was really resenting the store, and felt like I was taking advantage of him working so hard for us, when I was not making much money, and he, in his mind, had asked me numerous times to close the store and look for a job. Except, that conversation up there ^^^^^ is what was said, and I didn't deduct from it properly like he thought that I should. Miscommunication is a very bad thing. Sadly, it could be avoided a lot of the time...but sometimes, it takes looking back to see it. I'm certain that in the end...the end that could have been avoided...it was the store that made a huge dent in our otherwise happy marriage. I regret that I didn't understand what he meant, because had it come down to keeping the store or keeping my marriage, without question, hands down, in a heartbeat, I would have gladly picked my marriage. It makes me sad that he felt like I was picking it over him...that was so not the case. Another reason I was pleased to have the store was that with the hours I had, and being my own boss, I could take his parents to their various appointments, sit with them in the hospital when need be, and take care of them...a luxery that no one else in the family really had, so it worked for all of us. At any rate, I stumbled upon the fact that classes were a huge success. Who would have thought that Westmoreland wanted art classes? Not I...not in the magnitude that they did...but it's true...they were a big hit! Unfortunately, by the time I figured this out, PiePie's heart was not anywhere near interested in the goings on of the store; he resented it, I believe, is the right word. So even though I was helping to pay the bills at that point, he didn't care any longer. There were some other, smaller problems that could have been addressed and fixed, but what marriage doesn't have those? But with this one looming overhead...the smaller ones didn't really seem to matter so much, I guess. I will never understand what happened, or pretend to, because I don't have a clue, and it leaves me dumbfounded when I think about it, and since thinking about it doesn't change anything, what's the point? I'll take happier thoughts, please. The day that everything really came together, and the day that he told me he was done, done, done...we were at the store. He was cold. His eyes were hard. It would have been easier to get emotion from a brick wall than from him. There was nothing to be talked about; his mind was made up. He was done. Period. Done. And there was no changing his mind; that was for sure. I had asked him to come to the store (it was a Saturday) and talk to me...I had a list of things I thought we could work on, could do, that would make things a lot better, and I wanted his input on the list...I was trying to get to the bottom of the problem, fix it, and continue on being PiePie and Honey, but they no longer existed. They were dead. I remember him getting up and walking out, and I remember doing what I do when I need to do something: I write. I was typing him an email, and about three minutes into it, just three minutes after he had gone, God took care of me by sending in my friend, A, who wasn't even planning to stop, but found herself walking into the store before she knew it. And she held me while I cried and cried, and she prayed and she listened, and she assured me I would be OK. I remember saying to her, "I can't do this!!! I've been married since I was 16...what am I going to DO?!?!??!" And I remember her response: You'll get there, and we, your friends, will help you. And somehow, because I knew she meant it, I felt better. I wasn't alone, nor would I be, because you know what came from the store? Life-long friendships with some of the neatest people that I know. Had it not been for the store, I would not have been prepared for this, the rest of my life, with no PiePie. Mind you, they are no replacement....nor was he a "replacement" for them. It was the best of both worlds, really...because I had them both. Also, from our collecting days, there was plenty of furniture and "stuff" to supply me with a furnished house, without spending much money at all. What a blesssing...and it wasn't just stuff that would do...it was stuff that I had picked out, things I loved, things that ended up making my new house a home. Since that fateful Saturday some weeks ago, (seems like years and like yesterday, all at once) , the store, not purposely, has went by the wayside. I had to move, and get settled into a new house. I had to start a new job, taking up much of my days. And I had a heart that broke and a tummy that ached every time I thought about walking in there, to that place that was my dream, my happy spot...which was now tainted. I don't regret it, and I see how God was preparing me through it all, really I do, but still, my heart is not there. I have a group of friends who will come and help me move things, I have a friend who is graciously letting me use her storage as my storage. I have left places in my new house to put my creative supplies, so that I can continue to be crafty from home, making Christmas presents, gifts for others, and things for my house. I *must* "make" to be healthy, to be mentally healthy. It is who I am; it's what I do. So this weekend, more than likely, will be the big move. We will pack things, and we will store them. I will pick things I want in my new house, and I will store the rest. I have several people that I need to say thank you to, for one reason or the other, and I have items in there that I've reserved for them in my head. I need to get them ready to be given as gifts and get them handed out. (Note: I STILL have Nyc's Christmas gift...getting them out is the part I apparently stink at!) I will sort things and label boxes like a fiend so that I can find what I'm looking for when I need it. I will be having a nice-sized yardsale here, at my house, and soon. There will be store items here as well as other things I've found as I've moved that I've outgrown or don't need. They will be a part of the sale as well. So, for all of you who have been asking about the store, today, I finally looked the facts in the eye, talked to Debbie, and told her there was no other way; I have to close. It makes my heart so very sad, but at the same time, since this was supposed to be a PiePie and Honey adventure that turned into something way opposite that, my heart and soul are just not there any more. In fact, I would probably have it cleaned out already, except I don't like going there any more. It just makes me sad; it's not a happy place to me any more. I've never thought of me as selfish, but when I look back, I think maybe I was being selfish; looking at life and the store and such through my own little tunnel, not paying attention to the rest of the world, and that makes me sad. I still want to teach classes. I still want to have a kids' class on Saturdays. I still want to have girls night...and these things can be done in small groups, right here in my living room, and maybe that will quench my thirst to do the artsy craftsy things that roam around in my head. I still want to create for friends and family and for myself...I need that, but I just can't do the store any longer. Like I said, I'm sad, because it was just beginning to work out well, and it was a once in a lifetime opportunity, but it can't be a reality any longer. The quicker I get things moved out, the healthier I believe I will be, if that makes sense. I know many of you have been asking about the store, and I've purposely ignored the questions, because I, myself, didn't know the answers to them, and there were other people that needed to know first, before I announced it on facebook. People that helped me, that believed in me and in my idea, and people who are sad that it will be no longer...but now, here I am announcing that the store will be closing its doors, and I will be holding small classes in my living room, so stay a member of my group page and keep my number...you never know when there might be a class you want to come and take! or maybe you want to get a couple girlfriends together, and come over and paint...you tell me, and we'll make it happen. In the mean time, please say a prayer for me this weekend as you think of me here and there, because packing up and moving out is not going to be an easy task for me mentally...but the rewards of having it behind me will fuel me to get it done. So, for now, I am saying goodbye to part of a dream, a bittersweet goodbye, and looking forward to being able to continue to teach some classes in the wacky way that only Abby can do. I had just ordered a very expensive sign to go out front at the store. I think I'm going to find a way to attach it to my porch railing instead. The name will still be Perry's Paradise, at least on the ardes, the stickers, and the banner, because I spent entirely too much money on them to change them now. The phone number is still mine, so you can still call and reserve your class spot...and I'll still be posting on the group page. (Which I did change to Positively Persevering instead of Perry's Paradise.) When all is said and done, I will be a Key again and leave the PiePie to have his Perry name as I don't think I can bare to have it attached to me as a reminder of what I am not any longer. 98% of the people I know know me as a "Key"...1% know me as my maiden name, Fields and another 1% or so know me as Perry. So, hands down, Key it will be. (This is also because that is the name my children carry, and in my heart, no matter what, I will always be a Key...you can flush 20 years of your life away, especially when the three best things that ever happened to you came from those 20 years spent with that person.

Soooo...I ache because this dream that came true was short lived with such an awful-tasting ending. I am excited about doing classes here in my home, just in small groups, for fun. It amazes me that men are such pigs when it comes to swarming a girl who just is coming out of a marriage, all innocently asking questions, as if they talk to her all the time, when in fact, she hasn't heard from them in years....and, she will continue to hold her head up high, and try to beas strong as people keep telling her she is...and she will be glad to get this behind her and move on.

Thank you, dear reader, for letting me rant tonight, and for sticking with me while I did some tail-chasing. I'll see if I can come up with another, better subject with happier connotations than this one for tomorrow.

G'night!