Today's blog post is brought to you by the letter "Ee".
*Today, I feel exhausted. I feel tired and ache-y. I feel like I have spent so much physical and emotional energy in the last month-ish that I should be laying in the floor in a puddle. I want to remember where things are. I want to quit looking at boxes, boxes everywhere. I want to know what to do with the things I don't have room for, need, and can't part with...I have pared way down, believe it or not, peeps. I want to quit moving the same things around from here to there, back to here and then to there again. I want to wave my magic wand and make everything fall into place..."bibitty bobitty boo!!!" I also feel somewhat accomplished because I feel exhausted....because if I am indeed exhausted, then wouldn't it be because I was doing *something*...and I should feel good about what I accomplished to get to that state. (Am I making sense here to anyone but me? Read what I mean, not what I say.) It's funny, because you would think that being exhausted would allow one to "have a good sleep" as my Nanna Lucy would say, yet sleep eludes me. What am I running on, then? Where does this boundless energy come from? Could it perhaps be that I am strong...strong like my friends and family have told me? I will choose to believe that they are right. I am determined. And I can't get to my destination if I'm not strong enough to endure the path that takes me there. Yes, I am strong.
*The letter "Ee" is also used to spell enthusiastic. One of my all-time favorite quotes, at least in the top three if not the favorite is this: Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Tomorrow is a large part of my new life...it is the day I start working at my new job. I am excited to meet new friends, to use my brain to learn something new, to talk to people, help people. I am excited that this is a new beginning for me, and this job can be whatever I choose to make it be...and I choose to make it exciting. I will say this: I have been dreading having to go to work over the last couple of weeks or so...because I really didn't think that I had the energy or the brain capacity to learn something new, to meet new people and smile, to not be so sad that they see it, just as if I have the words "I'm sad." tattooed on my forehead. Thankfully, "sad" turned into "mad", as we all know, and "mad" fuels enthusiasm. So yes, I am excited about this new road I will be heading down, because it is an opportunity for me in so many ways.
So there you have it, friends...my feelings and thoughts and insecurities all spilled out, right in front of you...but I do believe they have progressed towards "happy" as I continue each day to fight the urge to be sad...and I feel like they show that I've healed so very much so very quickly in the last weekish, even though things are not yet all the way over the top on the "happy" meter...it's progress, and I'll take it.
I have to share a photo...just because I think blog posts should have eye candy. This was yesterday, the photo I wanted to share that wasn't there. This was the perfect ending to the perfect day. Ice cream cones on the porch, chatting, and then playing at the park for a while. I just love those kids. Love 'em to pieces.
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