That's MS. Guppy to you!

This week, I had a conversation with *M* about swimming and babies, and how there are classes to teach babies to swim where the mother is instructed to just throw the baby out in the water, and it will swim by instinct.  Then she told me that her mom took one such class, but at that class, they had to walk to the end of the diving board and drop them in the water.  Later, "Mom" confessed that she was more scared of walking on the diving board than throwing her baby in the water.  :)  I'm taking it that there was a happy ending, because *M* is still alive and kicking.

I went fish shopping yesterday, on my way home from work.  I just got a few cheapos to make sure that the tank is OK...and too because I don't have extra money right now to spend on fish.  Any fish will do...Anna doesn't know the difference.  As I was watching them all, I was talking to a lady about Guppies.  I didn't see any of them at this particular store, but we had a lengthy conversation about how dainty and delicate they look, but yet they produce babies like rabbits!

I've told this story before, on my old blog, but I have a lot of new readers here, and I have been reminded of this story by each of the experiences I've listed above.  When I was a child, I was signed up at the YMCA to take swimming lessons.  The classes were named after fish...the class I was supposed to be in was a beginner class, and it was called "Guppies".  The first day of class, our teacher took us out to the deep end, and told us to jump in and tread water for 10 minutes.  I seriously thought I was going to drown...I kept going near the side, and she would yell at me to do better and not touch the side.  I told my parents I didn't want to go back, but they made me.  Soooo...I went in, showered for 45 minutes so as to be wet when they came to get me, and did not go to class.  I was terrified of that lady, and the water.  After the third or so missed class, my teacher called my parents to ask where I was and if everything was OK, and THEN...the truth came out.  I cried and cried and told them I thought I was drowning and couldn't swim like the others could in that class.  Long story short, They had me in the "Porpoise" class...the most advanced class they offered!!!  They never made me go back, and to this day, I do not like water.  BUT...Guppy or no...I survived.  It was hard work, but I did it.  And I didn't die like I thought I was going to...I made it.

Fast forward.  At my last job, I felt very much the same way that I did in that swimming class.  I was thrown a huge task, given someone to "help" me that told me to do wrong things on purpose, and my boss was a tyrant from another country.  This did not help.  I spent hours organizing, reading, and working.  I had binders for this, and I had binders for that.  I taught myself the job, eventually, and when my bosses changed, I  taught him the job.  He never knew it, because I did not tell him, but I overheard my first boss and the department head talking about how he would never make it, and they laughed.  I was bound and determined that he WOULD make it, and he did.  So there.  Anyways, I was a guppy in a world of porpoises, but I survived, and actually loved my job before all was said and done.  Go me.

Here I am again, feeling much like a guppy.  A-gain.   Small, defenseless, ignorant, thrown out in a world of porpoises and sharks, i.e. people who don't like me that I won't name, and new experiences I've had to muddle my way through.  I am reminded of how upset I stayed and how sick I got over having to go to work, and I remember all the tears I cried, thinking I could never do the job, and that I was going to be a failure.  But I was determined, stubborn, and I suppose I must have been strong, because everyone keeps telling me that, and in the end, it all worked out for me.  I keep telling myself that one day, I will not be "guppy status" any more, and all will be well.  I will be able to talk about those people, this marriage and lack thereof, and this part of my life...the part where I, alone, had to come up with a way to support myself, worry about paying rent, etc. and learning a new job...I can do it!  I also hope that I can remember to reach down to any other guppies that I run across, and help them with their journey to "porpoise level", like others have done for me.

I am not a quitter, and I seem to be a survivor, so I suppose that this will be a distant memory soon enough and maybe my "guppy" feelings will disintegrate as well.  The good thing is I don't believe that any of this is going to kill me, and so that means I will get stronger...and guppies are beautiful fish.  My insides are not always perfect by any means, but I would like to work at making my insides as pretty as those guppies are on the outside.  Have you ever felt like a guppy?  I'm just curious.  I know I"m not the only one!